Vorbe grele

Aici ne radem si ne simtem bine
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Flottillenadmiral
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Re: Vorbe grele

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Din dictionarul termenilor de Sailing:


Nautical Terms:

Ahoy
The first in a series of four letter words commonly exchanged by skippers as their boats approach one another

Bar
Long. Low lying navigational hazard, usually awash, found at river mouths and harbour entrances, where it is composed of sand or mud, and ashore, where it is made of mahogany or some other dark wood. Sailors can be found in large numbers around both.

Boom
A Laterally mounted spar to which a sail is fastened, used during jibing to shift crew members to a fixed, horizontal position.

Bulkhead
Discomfort suffered by sailors who drink too much

Cabin
A cramped, closet like compartment below decks where crew members may be stored – on their sides if large or on end if small – until needed.

Calm
Sea condition characterised by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beer

Channel
Narrow stretch of deep or dredged waterway bordered by buoys or markers that separates two or more grounded boats

Current
Tidal flow that carries a boat away from it desired destination or toward a hazard.

Fitting Out
Series of maintenance tasks performed on boats ashore during good weather weekends in spring and summer months to make them ready for winter storage.

Flipper
Rubber swimming aid worn on the feet. Usually available in two sizes, 3 and 17

Flotsam
Anything floating in the water from which there is no response when an offer of a cocktail is made.

Fluke
The portion of an anchor that digs securely into the bottom: also, any occasion when this happens on the first try.

Galley
Ancient: Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery.
Modern: Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery

Gear
Generic term for any pieces of boating equipment that can be forgotten in the back-seat or boot of a car, left behind on a pontoon, soaked in the bottom of a dinghy or lost over the side of the boat.

Gimbals
Movable mountings often found on shipboards lamps, compasses etc which provide dieting passengers an opportunity to observe the true motions of the ship in relation to them, and thus prevent any recently ingested food from remaining in their digestive systems long enough to be converted into unwanted calories.

Grounding
Embarrassing situation in which a sailor returns to shore without leaving his boat.

Hatch
An opening in a deck leading to the cabin below with a cover designed to let water in while keeping fresh air out.

Hull speed
The maximum theoretical velocity of a given boat through the water, which is 1.5 times the square root of its waterline length in feet, divided by the distance to port in miles, minus the time in hours to sunset cubed.

Jibe
Course change which causes the boom to sweep rapidly across the cockpit; also, frequent type of comment made by observers of this manoeuvre.

Lanyard
A light line attached to a small article so that it can be secured somewhere well out of reach.

Leeward
The direction in which objects, liquids and other matter may be thrown without risk of re encountering them in the immediate future.

Life jacket
Any personal floatation device that will keep an individual who has fallen off a vessel, above water long enough to be run over by it or another rescue craft.

Mizzen
The shorter aft mast on a yawl or ketch. Any mast that is no longer there.

Moon
Earth’s natural satellite. During periods when it displays a vivid blue colour, sailing conditions are generally favourable.

Motor sailer
A hybrid boat that combines the simplicity and reliability of sail power with the calm and serenity of a throbbing engine.

Ocean racing
Demanding form of sailing practised by sportsman whose idea of a good time is standing under an ice cold shower, fully clothed while re examining there last meal.

Passage
Basically a voyage from point A to point B, interrupted by unexpected landfalls or stopovers at point K, point Q, and point Z.

Pontoon
Harbour landing place that goes crack, crunch when hit

Pilotage
The art of getting lost in sight of land, as opposed to the distinct and far more complex science of navigation used to get lost in offshore waters.

Port
1. Left on a boat.
2. A place you wish you never left on a boat.

Propeller
Underwater winch designed to wind up at high speeds any lines left hanging over the stern.

Radar
Extremely realistic kind of electronic game often found on larger sailboats. Players try to avoid colliding with “blips” which represent other sailboats, large container ships and oil tankers.

Regatta
Organised sailing competition that pits yours against your opponents’ luck.

Sailing
The find art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.


Satellite Navigation
Sophisticated electronic location method that enables sailors to instantly determine the exact latitude and longitude, within just a few feet, anywhere on the surface of the surface of the earth, of whatever it was they just ran aground on.

Single handed sailing
The only situation in which the skipper does not immediately blame the crew for every single thing that goes wrong

Spinnaker
Large beautiful balloon shaped sail used in powerful downwind sailing, collapses at the sides to make control difficult and when lowered stores neatly into the galley and main cabin and heads all at the same time.

Tides
The rise and fall of ocean waters. There are two tides of interest to mariners: the ebb tide sailors encounter as they attempt to enter port and the flood tide they experience as they try to leave.

Yardarm
Horizontal spar mounted in such a way that when viewed from the cockpit, the sun is always over it.
Ubi allii finiverant, inde incipimus nos!

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Flottillenadmiral
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Re: Vorbe grele

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CE “RAUTATI” POATE SPUNE O FEMEIE UNUI BARBAT GOL …
- Am “fumat” trabuce mai groase ca asta!
- Uaaa ce dragalasha este!!!
- Aaaa. Hai mai bine sa stam imbratisati.
- Sa stii ca se poate corecta prin chirurgie estetica.
- Hopaaa, si eu care m-am luat dupa marimea picioarelor!
- Lasa ca gasim noi o pozitie.
- Pot sa fiu cinstita cu tine?
- Ahh, acum imi dau seama de ce ti-ai luat un Porsche.
- Daca il udam poate mai creste.
- Oare de ce ma pedepseste Dumnezeu?
- Tot e bine, scapam mai repede.
- Nu am mai vazut asa ceva pana acum.
- Aha. Dar e totusi functionala, nu?
- Pare cam nefolosita.
- Poate ca la lumina naturala arata mai bine.
- Ce ar fi sa trecem direct la “tigara de dupa”
Ubi allii finiverant, inde incipimus nos!

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Flottillenadmiral
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Re: Vorbe grele

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În Pacific s-a descoperit o specie hibrid intre rechin si pestisorul de aur.
Îndeplineste ultimele trei dorinte...
Ubi allii finiverant, inde incipimus nos!

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Flottillenadmiral
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Re: Vorbe grele

Mesaj necitit de skipper »

Auzita in seara asta de la un ofiter francez:

Se uita capitanul la coca si o vede plina de alge.
Da ordin primului ofiter s-o curate:
- Nettoyez moi ces legumes!
Ofiterul, scrofulos la datorie, lasa sarcina scrisa:
- Clean the vegetables!

Ia ghiciti ce s-a intamplat cand a intrat urmatorul de cart si-a vazut ordinul!
Ubi allii finiverant, inde incipimus nos!

ghrt
Oberstabsgefreiter
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Re: Vorbe grele

Mesaj necitit de ghrt »

Puteţi găsi veste de salvare alternative de cea mai bună calitate, siliconice, gonflabile, şi la ... sex shop!

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Flottillenadmiral
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Re: Vorbe grele

Mesaj necitit de skipper »

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they’re at sea for so long.

“Let me show you,” says the captain.

He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there’s a solitary barrel with a hole in it.

“This’ll be the best sex you’ll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I’ll give you some privacy.”

The recruit doesn’t quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.

“Wow! That was the best s.x I’ve ever had! I want to do it every day!”

“Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday.”

“Why not Thursday?”

“That’s your day in the barrel.”
Ubi allii finiverant, inde incipimus nos!

Florio
Kapitän zur See
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Re: Vorbe grele

Mesaj necitit de Florio »

În același ton :) :
Marinarul cel nou, după o perioadă la bord, întreabă un camarad:
-Frate, cum faceți voi aici, în voiajele astea lungi? Că femei n-am văzut nicăieri.
-A, dacă vrei să faci sex, faci cu bucătarul. Dar te costă. 400 de euro.
-400 de euro? Ce naiba, nu e scump?!
-Păi 100 de euro trebuie să dai la comandant, că nu prea e de acord cu chestiile astea.
Încă 100 de euro trebuie să dai la secund, că nici el nu prea e de acord cu chestiille astea.
Iar câte 100 de euro dai la doi camarazi mai solizi, că nici bucătarul nu e de acord cu chestiile astea.

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Flottillenadmiral
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Re: Vorbe grele

Mesaj necitit de skipper »

Banii nu aduc fericirea.
Dar cu bani poti sa-ti cumperi un iaht cu curve.
Si eu in viata mea inca n-am vazut nici unul cu iaht cu curve nefericit !
Ubi allii finiverant, inde incipimus nos!

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